Eight Things You MUST Avoid On Kentucky Derby Day

 

If You Have To Read Another Derby List, Don’t Miss This One

By Derek Simon

Lists are big these days and I’ll give you 12 reasons why… no, I’m kidding. But it does amaze me how often we gravitate to someone’s thoughts if — and only if — they are enumerated.

Hear a crazy guy at the bus stop prattling on about the end of times and we turn a deaf ear. Have that same guy post “The 10 signs of Armageddon” on a Web site and we’ll stop reading about the three uses for celery to click on the headline and brace ourselves for the worst.

So, because I like to consider myself a trendy guy, even though my car still has a tape deck, I have created my own list. However, unlike a lot of lists that tell you what you need to do or buy (check out this utterly ridiculous scale, number 17 of “23 Unexpected Things You Didn’t Know Your Bathroom Needed”), my list contains eight things you should avoid on Kentucky Derby Day.

Look, it’s easy to tell somebody what they need to have or do — of course I think the Baby Mop is a stroke of genius, but unless I can find a place to purchase a baby as well (I haven’t checked recently) — I’m out of luck. In my opinion, it is far more helpful, not to mention less expensive, to help people learn the items and events to steer clear of.

Hence, without further ado, click here to see my list of the 8 things to avoid on Kentucky Derby Day